I Miss Her Advice

Here is a great conversation I didn’t want to get lost in the comments and so I had to share with you all.

Hi Lori,

Hoping all is well with you and your mom.

I have been reflecting a lot this past week about my mother, literally going over every detail of the events leading up to her passing. Little things that are happening with my son and his baby…just wish I could share with her. I miss the phone calls…I would call her 4-5 daily, just to talking about nothing. She always had the best advice ever…and was such a wise woman. I miss that sooo much. I look at others thinking they are so blessed to have their mothers in their lives, and wishing it were me.

My response to Michelle-

HI Michelle,

I so know the feeling with loss of my Father, but I also have to admit I have those same feelings with Mom at times now in her end stages.  Not being able to have a conversation like we used to.  But what I have learned over the years are three things:

1)  Life is truly about meaningful connections, and that doesn’t always take place in conversational form.

2)  Is that for me anyway, if I fill myself with gratitude for things I had and have in my life I don’t feel near as empty.  The gift of being able to embrace the true and powerful moments of connection with another soul are so precious and rare.  So overlooked these days.  When I focus on the gifts of gratitude, I realize how lucky I’ve have been and am for having these moments at all.  I try hard to look for those moments in my life, remember them, and then be grateful for them.

3)  Is that the power of connection never truly leaves even when a loved passes.  I know not everyone will agree with me here, but from my personal experience with many that have passed on it has been true.  I also think one has to be open to believing this for it to happen at all.

Many times I have felt my Dad in the room, heard his voice, found something moved in my house and it immediately makes me smile and triggers a strong sense that he is with me. At those times, I have a brief conversation with him in my head, yet I know we are actually communicating through our hearts and souls.  The connection of love never dies in my opinion; it just takes on new form.  I find when I ask for their help and advice, I usually come to a clear answer I feel confident in within a couple of days. The funny thing is it comes in their tone. How they would say it,not necessarily in my words.  I even do this with my Mother  who is in her end stages and is still physically here but unable to communicate with me.

I will admit there are times when I struggle with this belief, but each time I know why.  It comes down to my ego wanting to control these connections, and wanting more of them.  I also feel that when I get in this state of wanting more, it is not out of the betterment of the greater good, but it is totally self absorbed as I am searching for ways to reduce my grief and loss.  It is totally about my needs and desires and not considering what is best for my loved one.  Plus there is no way for me to know what it is like to be gone from this world and what is out there for a soul to experience.

I can say for me anyways, I’m sure God and the universe have much more to offer my loved one then I do and I would want them to experience all the beauty and love they have to offer them.  So with that thought I try to let go and let God and the universe, do their thing, and watch over both of us.  And from there, I return to being grateful for believing in a higher power.

I hope this helps you in times you are feeling lost and lonely.  I know it does me.  Thanks for checking in.  I so love our conversations and this conversation to is one I will share in a posting as some many of us are dealing with the same issues.  It will be interesting to see what others have to say as well!  Thank you for your time and gift of connection with me personally and to all those in our community here at Alzheimer’s Speaks.  You have added so much to our sharing and learning from one another.

Take care

Lori