Looking back on the 30 year journey with my Mother and her dementia; and the past 8 years since she been gone, still take my breath away. The blessings. The loss. The love. The grief. The feelings never go away. They just twist and turn in my heart and mind. Below are some thoughts I wrote years ago, but I feel they still apply today.

Will you be the next to forget or the next to be forgotten?

When we ask ourselves this question it is typical to get this ping in your head, your heart, and your stomach that says “WOW, I could be next!  How do I want to be treated?”  It is from this angle of fear we can start talking honestly to educate others what the true face of Alzheimer’s disease is.  What it takes away from us, but also what is has to offer each of us.

I am a believer there can be no good if there is no bad.  You can’t feel happy if you don’t experience sad…  Disease offers the same platform of balance if we chose to look for it and utilize it.

For me, as difficult as it was to lose my Mother, piece by piece over the years, I have found she has taught me much through her disease that has had an extremely positive effect on my life.

Dementia taught me many things.  Here are just a few:

To slow down my pace in life.

To appreciate the simple pleasures I often didn’t see because I was moving too fast or waiting in anticipation for the “BIG THINGS.”

To communicate on a more intimate level.

To train my brain to be aware of my senses, at a higher level.

To not take life so seriously.

To stop trying to control everything and everybody in my life.

To have a deeper and stronger faith then I ever thought was imaginable.

To love unconditionally.

To recognize what brings me joy and to incorporate it in my life.

To remove judgment of others and myself.

That I am stronger then I knew I was.

That done is better than perfect.

That life is so much easier if I keep my sense of humor and can laugh through it.

The one thing that changed my life the most

I’ve learned each time I am given a painful or uncomfortable situation is my life there is a powerful lesson buried in the situation which will ease my life in the future, if I choose to remember it and be guided by it.

I think it is time we start to acknowledge our pain and discomfort with things in our life, like Alzheimer’s disease.  We need to stop living the ‘Stepford Wives” life trying to project the “Leave it Beaver” family as we try to keep up with “The Jones.”   It’s time to be honest with what is going on in our lives.  Once we do this we can ask for help from our friends and family, through organizations, and through prayer.  After we do this we must be silent and listen for the answers.  It is then up to us to decide if we are going to take action by the answers given us, knowing we are the only ones that can change us.  We cannot change others.  It is time to step out and step up; and lead by example.

Mom I don’t think the void you left in my heart will ever by filled, but I’m so thankful I was your daughter and able to love you so deeply. I will forever be thankful for your unconditional love and all you taught me.

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Dementia Chats is a series of video conversations where we talk with the true experts on dementia, those living with a diagnosis. Lori La Bey, founder of Alzheimer’s Speaks facilitates a conversation and is amazed by every conversation what she learns about life with dementia. She encourages everyone not only to watch these videos, but to include those living with dementia in conversations and to listen closely to their insights. They know dementia better than anyone.

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