A Fractured Day

A Fractured Day

By Lori La Bey of Senior Lifestyle Trends

Once again one of our reader’s shares a heart breaking story with  a twist, and I didn’t want you to miss out.  Michelle and I have had ongoing conversations regarding our Mothers.  This particular story real touched me and I felt compelled to reply and use her specific situation to show how our perceptions and attitudes at any given time can shift our experience.  Please read Michelle’s comment and my reply.  I’d love to hear your thoughts as well!  Remember there is no owner’s manual with this disease, so the more we share our experiences and thoughts the better off we all will be. 

 Hi Lori…yesterday…not a good day. The nursing home business office called me to say there was a balance in my mother’s account and they wanted to know who the check should be made out to…her estate or the funeral home. They suggested the funeral home, so I went with that. For some reason the call left me a little upset, but I went about my day. I had to take some paperwork to another office and decided to take a walk outside. I guess I was so preoccupied that I ended up falling down on the sidewalk and a kind gentleman help me to get up. I decided at that time that I had better get back to my office, but while doing so I was limping and in a bit of pain. Well because I fell during working hours I had to go to the emergency room and I now have a fractured ankle. Can you believe it??? but prior to going, I sat at my desk nursing my ankle and when I opened my desk I saw my mom’s obit. I became so upset because I thought how she would have been at my side during my visit to the ER. I hate that my mom is not here and I miss what she would be doing for me if she were alive.

 At home today nursing my ankle back to health and have sweet hubby waiting on me…hand and foot…LOL

 Take care Lori…and hope to hear from you soon. How is your mother and daughter doing?

Here is my response to Michelle

Oh Michelle,

What a horrible day, from the draining emotions of loss and grief to the physical pain of your ankle.  I’m so sorry you had bad day, but there were some good spots in your day.  I know it’s hard to see them when we are filled with sorrow so I’d like to take a moment and point them out to you, and when you’re ready you might decide to remember this “fractured day” differently. 

1)  For example, having a “balance.”  Extra money is always a good thing.  It would have been more welcoming if it wasn’t associated with the loss of your Mom, retriggering your grief.  I’m sure that is why you felt upset.  That would be unsettling to most any one of us in your situation.

2)  The kind gentleman who helped you up when you fall, that was a wonderful gesture. 

3)  Now the emergency room and the fractured ankle that’s never fun, but I do see a fantastic opportunity to shift this story.  You mentioned you hate your Mom is not here and couldn’t be with you at the hospital.  I totally get your thought process and have had many days where I focus on my loss and feel sorry for myself, my loneliness.  It’s a natural thing we do.  What if you look at opening your desk drawer and seeing your Mother’s obit, as a sign she was with you.  That she was trying to tell you she is there for you just in a different realm.  Think of her as your Guardian Angel, always at your side, always in your heart, always connected to you.  If you can shift your thought process to accept The Guardian Angel concept your reality will most likely become comforting.  You will feel loved, cared for, not alone or abandon; only reassured your connection with your Mother lives on past this physical world in which we live.

4) Living the pampered life with a caring hubby waiting on you hand and foot….not so bad honey, not so bad!  LOL

As for my Mother we did have her 82nd Birthday Party and I will be writing on it soon and posting pictures.  My Daughter is doing well.  She is has a wonderful new boyfriend and is doing well.  Thanks for asking!

6 Replies to “A Fractured Day”

  1. Lori has been my strength during this journey with my mom. I am glad to call her my friend.

    Karen, you are an extraordinary woman. The way you take care of your mother is loving and I admire you so much. I admire you because you are in the position to take care of your mother at home and that must be hard. To sacrifice yourself in order to care for mom is wonderful.

    1. HI Michelle,

      Thank you for your kind words and reaching out to Karen. We all need each other in order to get through this bizarre disease. I have had such a wonderful experience launching this blog. I always imagined in my mind and heart of building a safe community where Caregivers could support one another, and find resources… and from the feedback I’ve been getting I think we are well on our way!

      Thank you to all of my readers. Each of you has a special place in my heart. We are kindred souls forging ahead through our struggles and finding new joys.


  2. Don’t know if this is a good move to make, but I have decided to stop taking my anti-depressants. Initially they were prescribed to me because I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004 and was so depressed about it. Basically I felt gloom and doom all the time. I cried all the time thinking I was going to die. I fought my oncologist about taking them, but finally decided to fill the script. It took me a couple of weeks to take them because I felt at the time that meds like that were only for “crazies”. Well I felt immediate relief.

    The gloom and doom stopped, but other issues were cropping up in my life. My mom was diagnosed during this time with Alzheimers and my son was giving me heck. The med (Lexapro) helped to take the edge off and I was able to cope. I tried to stop about a year later (2005), but found out quickly that I still needed them.

    Just the shear pressure and exhaustion of caring for my mom, making the decision to place my mother in a nursing facility and having to make the decision to ask my son to leave our home was much too much, but the meds helped me.

    I feel like all that pressure has lessened and I am tired of being on this med…so I am slowly weaning myself off. Just hoping and praying that I am making the right decision. One positive thing is my appetite is diminishing, feeling a few of the side effects, but I just feel I don’t need them anymore.

    Just wanted to vent a little. Hoping everyone is well.

    Hi Lori 🙂

    1. HI Michelle
      It’s worth a try. I know I developed asthma and acid reflex when I was in the thick of caregivng. After my dad passed and Mom was settled in the nursing home everything disappeared. Stress can cause so many problems for us.

      Have you taked to your Doctor about coming off the med? I know sometimes it’s good to do that gradually, which is what it sounds like your doing. They would just have more insight then me.

      It sounds like you will know if going off the medication is working or not for you so that’s a good thing. Worse case, you decide to go back on and try it another time. Don’t beat yourself up over your decision, just watch things closely and don’t be afraid to go back if you need to. There is no shame in taking medication if it helps.

      My guess is from all our conversations is you will be ok. You are just entering a new phase of your life. Good luck and feel free to vent. That’s a healthy thing to do. 🙂


  3. Nice post! You truly have a wonderful way of writing which I find captivating! I will definitely be bookmarking you and returning to your blog.

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