Sharing, Caring, and Creating a Safe Community

By Lori La Bey of Senior Lifestyle Trends

Once again I have to thank our readers for sharing such great questions, thoughts, and concerns.    We’ve had many comments on our postings, some come directly to me, others comment publicly here on the blog.  Today I want to point out the public conversations generated from the post “Gift Giving Another Causality of Alzheimer’s Disease.” 

The ongoing sharing and support between people has been amazing.  I thank each of you for being so compassionate, honest, supportive and understanding.  Even those that have not been touched by Alzheimer’s disease routinely comment or email me with their praise for the open communications that our community here on Alzheimer’s Speaks gives those in need and those needing to learn more about the realities of the disease. 

This has been my goal all along for Alzheimer’s Speaks,  “TO GIVE VOICE AND ENRICH LIIVES.”  I hope we never loss that which we have developed…Trust, Love, a Non-judgmental place to try to make sense of this crazy disease and how it makes us feel and the things we have to do while dealing with the disease. 

Kudos to each and every one of you.  Thank you for helping me create this wonderful community called Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Please read the post by Cynthia and my response. 

Sandra & Lori,

This has been a gift for me, your messages. This time is difficult. Sometimes are easier than others, even when it is heartbreaking. For some reason the last few weeks have become harder. Maybe she is reaching another level. Learning new ways to talk or communicate with mom. I see she wants to be left alone at times. She does not want me there, or most likely, she does no want me to see her like this. Sometimes, I think she feels I am babying her, or I am at a loss for the words, I can’t explain it right now.

I need to sell her house, and feel terrible about it, but need the money to continue paying for the nursing home. My parents worked so hard for that and wanted to have that be their gift to their children. Feeling like I am betraying her these days. My issue, not hers – right?

Thanks again, for the messages, sharing your stories, it is both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,
~Cynthia

 HI Cynthia,

I know where you are and totally understand.  I call it a “Boat Flip,” when I get tossed into the cold brutal waters of truth.  I find I am missing the justice piece that I so dearly want tied to that would “truth”.  Yes, where is the Truth and Justice for all????   Isn’t that the American way?

The Truth is Alzheimer’s disease is far from “Just”.  There appears to be no rhythm or reason as to who gets it, how it will affect them and those around…

Your emotions are normal.  I agree you need to feel them fully to move through them.  The good, the bad, the ugly, the guilt, the sadness, are all real and valid losses.  

Please know you and your Mother are both going through another phase of this disease.  I can’t even guide you as to what the next phase is, as each person is affected differently.  But have confidence in yourself and your ability to make it through another shift.  If you take  time to look back you will have a tough time counting all the shifts and phases you have both survived. 

It is evident from your writings how much you care for your Mom, and parents in general.  Selling the family home is never easy.  Typically we are asked to make promises we have every intent of keeping until things change. .. Change significantly…like illness, like Alzheimer’s disease.  We never project our lives will be touched in negative manners that can happen and so often do occur.  

As Caregiver’s all we can do is what is best for our loved one with the information we have, with the assets available, with the laws we must live by; even if they are now in conflict with our loved ones wishes.

Know in your heart you have done the best you can do with the situation as it is now.  The guilt you carry is because you love, not because you have misled, neglected, or abused your Mom. 

Remember, you are still a child in your heart to this parent who now seems more child-like.  You still want your Mother’s love and respect.  As a Caregiver we worry at all stages, that we might lose our connection with them.  No matter how little their ability is to communicate with us, we don’t want it to diminish further.  These are normal feelings.  It’s ok to question your actions, but don’t’ beat yourself up, when you know down deep you are making the best possible decision for them within the realities of the situation.

 May your God be with you

Lori

*************************If you would like to read the full article and all the comments click here******************************

http://alzheimersspeaks.com/2009/12/25/gift-giving-another-causality-of-alzheimer%e2%80%99s-disease/#comment-345